i’ve always been the one to hold out for it. always.
when i get that feeling about someone (which is special and rare, unfiltered, completely defenseless, and risky), i jump in with both feet. it usually ends in disappointment and heartbreak, but it’s always been completely worth it, if only to share that feeling with someone. in that moment, for however long or short. (closet romantic has just come out).
i haven’t been in a ‘relationship’ in quite a while now.
people have said that i’m too picky.
people have told me that my standards…well they’re just too damn high.
they say, “you should date more.” “give the guy a chance.”
recently, i’ve been trying to do things differently. i’ve gone on more dates in the last 6 months than i probably ever have in my life. i’m trying to open myself up to other options. not lowering my standards, but giving the guy a chance to meet them. although so far…i don’t think it’s working out so well. sure, the attention is nice and it’s been fun and all. i’m glad i’ve tried something different. i like to think i’m pretty open-minded and down to try almost anything once. but the way i see it, is if it’s not there, than it’s just not there. i know people who have grown on each other and are now in love, which is wonderful. i just don’t see that really happening for myself.
why waste your time on someone that doesn’t immediately give you that feeling the second you lock eyes with him?
you know, that teenage feeling.
the tingling sensation you get all over your body, as if your nerves are literally about to explode from your skin. your heartbeat, like a freight train. your tongue, suddenly too big for your mouth. words sounding sloppy and tripping over one another to come out, accompanied by nervous laughter. when he touches your skin, it burns like fire.
the feeling that when you’re with that person, you could do absolutely nothing at all and be happy as long as he’s there.
of course that doesn’t stop you from wanting to do and go everywhere together and take on the world.
he loves the things that you do, and he makes you laugh like nobody else really can. when he looks at you, he actually sees you. and you see the best of yourself through his eyes.
he makes you feel empowered instead of powerless, encouraged instead of discouraged. he’s supportive in everything you say and do whether he agrees with it or not. he’s confident – not only in you, but in himself. he allows you to maintain your independence because he himself is independent too. your friends adore him. your family adores him.
this is what i want. what i’ll have. one day.
that teenage feeling and beyond.
because i can have it all.
and i’ll continue to wait until i find it.
2 comments
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March 10, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Bailey
Let me make a comment as your bitter, cynical, jaded good friend from up north. While I will often pretend I don’t want that feeling as well, I can admit freely that I do. That teenage feeling. It’s so exciting and wonderful. It isn’t, however, perfect. It’s often fleeting. It’s usually what most people refer to as “the honeymoon” period in a relationship. Relationships are hard work, and they’re dirty and gritty and bent and cracked and I feel as though too many women our age (and otherwise) are convinced that their life is going to turn out like a perfect Hugh Grant romantic comedy or a Jane Austen novel and in reality, a majority of the time they won’t. I hope against hope that someday you have that teenage feeling and beyond for the rest of your life because you most certainly deserve it, but I just want to put in my two cents about how life doesn’t always end with a ride off into the sunset. (Wow. Buzz kill, eh?)
March 11, 2009 at 2:34 pm
ohhmeohhmy
All very valid points. I realize this post probably sounds a bit naive (and maybe it is to a certain extent), but I know that relationships aren’t perfect. I know they are a ton of work and there will always be problems to work through together. I guess I see the way that my parents are today and they have what I want so very much. Yes, like anyone else they have their issues, and they will be the first ones to point out that it’s a lot of work. However, they will also point out how every day they spend together is living through the ‘honeymoon’ stage all over again. It’s amazing to me that after 26 years together, they are still in mad, passionate, crazy about each other love. So I know that it’s possible, because I can see it in them. Perhaps they are a rare example of what works. I personally think that one of the reasons (not the only reason, mind you) so many get divorced is because they give up. They get passed the honeymoon stage, realize their romance isn’t a Hugh Grant movie, and simply don’t want to put in the effort it takes to make it work. The idea of divorce makes me cringe and I never want to be someone who has to experience that. And I am hopeful that I’ll meet my match someday and he’ll be more of a best friend to grow old with than a romantic comedy lead role.